Warning: this post is not for the faint of heart. I am a warrior and these are the battle wounds I have endured throughout Europe thus far.
Multiple ‘Frazzle Bunny’ situations
Frazzle Bunny is a phase that my sister and I have used repeatedly to refer to the stage of literally being rammed by a closing door. The actual name refers to my first Paris metro ride experience (note: see my post First Night of Paris) that depicts a cute rabbit getting stuck in the metro doors. Whether it be a bus, tram, train, bathroom, museum security door it never fails to almost slice us in half. If it has an automatic door, a non-existent sensor, and an alarming noise that sirens right before your life flashes before your eyes, you’ve experienced Frazzle Bunny!
Speaking of Frazzled…Electrocuted in Paris Hotel
Possibly the weirdest thing that has ever happened to my body. I was trying to fiddle with the adapter plugs because the hotel outlets were placed in terribly inconvenient areas..and I felt a weird, hot shock from my finger up my arm that made me jolt backwards. Take that Energizer bunny!
Suitcase Wheel Burned Off
Mind you, this is one of the wheels that gets used the most since it’s in line with the handle.
This happened after a few minutes of walking from the Train Station to the our Hotel in Cinque Terre. One minute I am lugging my suitcase down a flight of stairs and onto smoking hot pavement in 90 degree heat, the next minute I am yanked backwards because my suitcase decided to have a temper tantrum and refused to budge from its spot in the middle of the road. The thing about having a brand new Samsonite suitcase is that THIS SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED. The thing about having a 10 year warranty is that it amounts to absolutely nothing while I’m abroad since there are no Samsonite stores to speak of.
Why have four wheels when you can have three?
Sliced the side of my toe open when I slipped on a rock getting into the ocean at Vernazza’s beach in Cinque Terre
No further explanation necessary. Damn you algae! Why must you be so slimy?!
Wine-Bike Tour through the Chianti Region in Florence– Tried to get on a curb…ended up spearing my leg with the bike pedal
Confused? Let me explain. In Los Angeles and in Santa Cruz, I always ride a mountain bike that has pretty thick tires that can handle just about every kind of terrain. The bike tour offered road bikes with much thinner tires–and by thin tires, I mean little delicate flowers in wheel form. These fragile tires were incapable of getting me onto a curb at a high speeds and as my bike did some serious wobbling back and forth, my instant reflex was to save myself by ramming my legs onto the floor to adjust before falling completely on my side. Of course when I did that, one of the bike pedals got in the way of my leg and bada-bing bada-boom, the pedal tried to eat my leg.
*Note: I made the imagine as small as possible to minimize your gag reflex.
It looks like I have serious puncture wounds and/or a shark tried to rip my calf off. I think I would actually prefer the shark story since it makes me sound like more of a badass.
Walking Through Florence…Brand New Steve Madden Sandals Break
Yes, I know it’s really not that big of a deal, but these are my one pair of nice sandals out of maybe 4 pairs of shoes in all. Hence, having a fallen soldier seriously destroys my entire fleet. Not to mention– THEY WERE BRAND NEW. I had a minor trip-up, which is a daily–perhaps even hourly–occurrence in Italy with the cobblestone, and pow! Goodbye shoe. Luckily my sister was able to MacGyver the shoe to partially hold-up until we got back to the hotel using a lot of band-aids.
Bug Bites Throughout Europe
A bug bite is a bug bite, yada yada. I can only imagine hell is spending all of eternity with your entire body in bug bites. I never know what to do either…make an ‘X’ on the bug bite with your nail, break skin, douse it in hydrocortizone cream, eat spicy food and garlic, and a weird voodoo chant? One day I’ll figure it out.
Be wary since mosquitoes and other blood suckers are especially prevalent during sunset. I suggest using my new trick dubbed ‘Whiskey Legs’ (see Moral #4).
Moral of these stories:
1. Always have a warranty on suitcases
2. Always have band-aids
3. Be prepared to purchase the replacements of any broken items along the way
4. When in doubt, pour whiskey on everything
(especially areas prone to bug bites)